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The Enchanted Collection of Amy Zerner and Monte Farber
The Enchanted Collection of Amy Zerner and Monte Farber
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Are You a Tiger or a Swan?

By Monte Farber and Amy Zerner
Authors of Love, Light, and Laughter:

True love is true acceptance, acceptance of self and, if you have one, of your beloved. The two of us feel extremely blessed to have found each other, but that does not diminish anyone else’s life choice. We believe it is crucial for everyone to realize that living alone is as valid a choice for a life of quality and meaning as a life lived with a Soul Mate.

Take it from two Soul Mates who have found each other and created our own enchanted world, it is more difficult to find and keep your Soul Mate if you are unduly uncomfortable with being alone. Simply denying you feel that way or saying "I don’t like being alone" and then bringing someone into your life and, worse, into your home, without addressing the underlying problems will only create more problems.

If you are living alone now, you need to honestly appraise your feelings about your situation without being unduly influenced by the endless pressures from your family, friends, and our entire culture to partner up, marry up, and hurry up and have children. Don’t be afraid to admit to others or to yourself that you really do like living alone.

It is more than just okay to like living alone. A person who has a hard time being alone may not like themselves or their present situation. They may be trying to distract themselves from their pains, from having to make hard choices in the present moment, or from some aspect of the past, present, or future that frightens them. There are some people who believe that they can only figure out who they are and what they want by having other people around to tell them or to pit themselves against. These, too, are valid life choices as long as they are consciously chosen.

Some people, like the writer Henry David Thoreau, wish to hear the quiet voice within themselves and within nature, a voice that is only audible when you live alone. These people become cloistered religious practitioners or Hermits. Most people who are shy or have an intense desire for privacy choose less drastic forms. They are usually wise, honest, and strong enough to realize that they do not want anyone interfering with them in any way and so they simply refuse to share their home with anyone. In the past our society has shamefully and suspiciously called these people "confirmed bachelors," "spinsters," and "loners."

It is time that we honor the fact that we are all, every one of us, alone and in many ways. We propose that we all now change the term we use to describe those whose extraordinary need to be alone is a glorious reminder to us all of our basic alone-ness. These people love just as much as we do, maybe more, for every wisdom tradition teaches that sitting in silence produces great wisdom, compassion, and love. From now on, let us agree to call these special people "Tigers" because their version of love is more like that of the incredibly powerful, beautiful, and endangered tigers of India and Asia who live alone in the jungle they rule over and only associate with other tigers when they want to mate.

The two of us are of the "Swan" persuasion. Swans mate for life and spend most of their time with each other. Though we are mated for life and hope to continue to be together beyond this world if it is at all possible, a person does not have to have a current romantic relationship to be a member of the Swan tribe. If you are looking to have a soul connection and to live with your mate when you finally discover each other, you are a Swan.

The meaning of your life is to give your life meaning. Whether you are a Tiger or a Swan, don’t look outside of yourself for someone to help you feel fulfilled and complete. You can only feel fulfilled and complete if you make an effort to understand yourself and to accept yourself as you are. We are all growing. Being committed to growing lovingly and consciously makes life a magical adventure. We must never stop loving ourselves and lose sight of the fact that most of us are fine just the way we are and our real problem is believing that we are not.