 |
About Us
My head&heart's too small to play God/dess
The purpose of life is to be happy.
Since September 11, 2001, I haven't been very happy. Sure, I've had some good times and some great times but late at night when I'm alone - and being alone like we all really are is a scarry reminder of the real truth of existence - I've been obsessed with trying to understand what is going on in the world and my place in it and I'm exhausted on all levels, mentally, spiritually and lately even physically. Like so many people, I come from a dysfunctional family and knowing what was going on and what to do about it is the way you survive in a dysfunctional family. So there, add ANOTHER level of survival to this exhausting mix.
Just like my crazy mother and emotionally unintelligent father and all crazy people, the world after September 11th, 2001, has continued to top itself in craziness and producing a shit-storm of emotions, most recently the literal shit-storm of Katrina turning large chunks of New Orleans into toilets, half a million people into homeless people or at least refugees (those who seak refuge are refugees) and injuring and killing God/dess knows how many innocent people who are our sisters and brothers and doing the same to countless of our animal sisters and brothers, big and small, too.
My heart is almost broken and I don't want it to break. There's too much work to do to allow myself the luxury of letting all of this stop me in my efforts to support Amy in all ways and continue our work to make this world a little better - it's what we've always done and what else is there to do? If it happened here, I'd be out with my chain saw and tools doing my best to put our lives back together and then working to help our neighbors until I was able to go back to my work as a husband and author and dad to little Zane. But we've donated to the relief effort as best as we can.
But my obsession hasn't stopped, it's only gotten worse as Afghanistand and Iraq and the presidential election and the Tsunami and Madrid and Israel and London and Iran and Syria and Lebannon and the Supreme Court and Homeland Security and the Florida hurricanes (like New York City, they have great disaster management there, by the way) and then Alabama and Mississippi and Louisianna and after all that, all I know is that my head, which I used to think was big and smart, is too small to understand and come up with a way to mitigate and - I'm so egotistical - to find a way to fix so much suffering in the world and my heart, which I used to think was too big, is way too small to keep playing God/dess.
Think about it. "Thanks" to 24/7 news on TV, the internet, bloggers, radio, personal and forwarded e-mails, we're all on the receiving end of a Tusnami of "information" the likes of which formerly only God/dess could experience without crumbling, if there is a God/dess.
But that is my point, there may or may not be a God/dess but it sure isn't me and I'll bet you're willing to agree that it sure isn't you. We're not made to have the heartbreak of the world laid at our feet with the unspoken command of "do something" superimposed on every bit of it. I'm a "do something" kind of guy and Amy is a thousand times more so. America is a nation of "Do Something!" people and there are billions of DO SOMETHING people around the world. No wonder we're all exhausted and crazy and blaming people. It's a projection of the fact that we all blame ourselves for not being able to DO SOMETHING when we have so much power and information and so many whiz bang techno toys and a system of government that was designed to help us all do something but which we have allowed to run away from us. We've GOT to update the government so that this really becomes a nation by the people, for the people and don't perish from this earth. See what I mean? I can't turn it off! But I've got to turn it off both figuratively and literally, like shutting off the "news."
You know it's bad when even the elite, above it all, I cover the news but I'm not in it, Lone Ranger and Tonto on to the next town news media is freaking out because they, too, are finally unable to retreat emotionally and distance themselves for the lofty ideals of "journalism," but completely saddened and moved to want to DO SOMETHING, not just report about it, and the reporters can't take in the dimension of hurrican Katrina's catastrophe happening to places and to people they know and love, people just like them and people they've managed to avoid but now cannot avoid because they're in their face en masse. This is the same lawless people but the police who they love to criticize aren't around to protect them this time.
And as to all of the suffering, that's why they call it a disaster and a catastrophe. All of these individual stories of suffering and opportunities for heroism come with the destroyed territory and there's nothing anyone can do to change that and none of us, NONE of us, can or should ever feel comfortable with that and that's why I need to take a break, at least today but in reality I need to change my life-style and get back to my center.
What I'm trying to say is that it's time for me to back off the news - wait, that is really the worst word for what used to be called the news - it's really "The Worst," for that is really what The News shows us, the worst of the world. I need to feed my heart and mind with the The Best for a while. I'm taking a vacation from feeling that I'm not doing enough and from feeling that I have to obsessively learn everything the world of the internet has to offer me about what is going on so that I can DO SOMETHING big or small or something. I'm going to do something to center myself because if I don't, I'll NEVER be able to do something to help anyone. Make your base secure is the first rule of warfare and disaster relief, too.
I'm going to do yoga now and we'll massage each other later. All of the people who've died and suffered and had their lives torn apart by the events that come pouring into our living rooms, car radios and computers every day all wanted to enjoy the same thing: A series of ordinary days spent with people and animals they loved. I'm going to do that and appreciate it even more than usual and dedicate my ordinary September 11th day to all of them. They're here, they're around all of us and they are only sad when we're not happy. I'm going to be happy because the purpose of life is to be happy. I've always know that and I was overjoyed when the Dalia Lama used that sentence to start one of his books, so don't just take it from me:
The purpose of life is to be happy. And that's doing something, something big and worthwhile. If you can't bring yourself to be happy for you and those you love, then do it as a way to DO SOMETHING about the suffering you are having lain at your feet everyday, fellow God/dess. The purpose of life is to be happy. That is our mantra, the only mantra you really need, especially on September 11th.
|
|
|
  |
|
 |
ShareThis
